A great list…

If you want to enrage a conservative, I suggest saying the following:

1. A Socialist wrote the Pledge of Allegiance.
2. Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor, for free. […]
6. The Founding Fathers were liberals.
7. Fascism is a right-wing trait. […]
10. Reagan raised taxes eleven times as President.
11. Reagan legalized abortion as Governor of California.
12. Nixon created the Environmental Protection Agency.
13. Ronald Reagan supported gun control. […]
24. Hate is not a Christian virtue. […]
26. Republicans spend MORE money than Democrats. […]
29. The Constitution is the law, NOT the Bible.
30. Sharia law doesn’t exist in America.
31. The President is NOT a Muslim.
32. Corporations are NOT people. People are people.
33. Fox News isn’t real news, it’s just a racist, sexist, hateful, right-wing propaganda machine.
34. The Federal Reserve was a Republican idea.
35. Women are equal citizens who deserve equal rights. […]
37. Abortion is a relevant medical procedure, just ask Rick Santorum.
38. Please use spell check.
39. It’s “pundit”, not “pundint”.
40. Social Security is solvent through 2038. […]
42. Roe v. Wade was a bipartisan ruling made by a conservative leaning Supreme Court. […]
45. Barack Obama ordered the killing of Osama Bin Laden. It took him two and half years to do what Bush couldn’t do in eight. […]
47. 9/11 happened on George W. Bush’s watch, therefore he did NOT keep America safe. […]
49. Separation of church and state is in the Constitution, it’s called the First Amendment.
50. Muslims are protected by the Constitution, just as much as Christians. […]
53. America is a nation of immigrants, therefore we are all anchor babies.
54. The white race isn’t disappearing, it’s evolving. […]
56. Evolution is real.
57. The Earth is 4.54 billion years old, not 6,000.
58. The Founding Fathers did not free the slaves.
59. The Revolution was NOT fought over slavery.
60. Paul Revere warned the Americans, NOT the British.
61. Federal law trumps state law.
62. The Civil War was about slavery, NOT state’s rights.
63. Corporations care more about profits than they do about people.
64. Getting out of a recession requires government spending.
65. Glenn Beck is a nut-job. […]
67. Republicans don’t want to pay for your birth control, but they want you to pay for their Viagra.
68. Republicans actually NEED Viagra.
69. Fox News is owned by an Australian and has a Saudi prince as an investor.
70. Republicans complain about immigrants taking American jobs, then freely give American jobs to foreigners overseas. […]
72. Labor unions built this country. […]
77. Republicans only care about children BEFORE they are born. […]
82. Churches should stay out of politics, or be taxed. […]
88. The current corporate tax rate is the lowest in 60 years, so stop whining about it being too high. […]
98. Republicans say teachers are union thugs, then proceed to rape and mug the entire middle class on behalf of corporations.
99. Republicans think rape isn’t a crime, but miscarriages are.
[…]

Bottom line? If you want to anger a conservative, tell them the truth.

horoscope.png
horoscope-thumb.png

The outlook is blank?

horoscope

I went to look up my horoscope for my birthday and this is what came up.  I’ve not altered aside from cropping it to fit into the blog.  I think it’s freaking hilarious that it comes up blank.

How do I take this?  I can look at it as the stars don’t know what’s going to happen to me.  Of course I should take this view seriously and freak the fuck out that my horoscope is blank therefore the future is unknown!  Oh no what shall I do!

Or I can look at is as a database failure and alert technical support.  Which I’m more inclined to do given my history and my lack of caring with the whole mumbo jumbo that is astrology. 

So it’s my birthday today.  I’m actually looking forward to it in a way.  I’m a year older, I’m a year wiser… Well maybe not wiser, but I’ve amassed another years of knowledge.  Who knows maybe something I’ve learned this year can be applied to the future.

Gods and Monsters

I was having a discussion the other night about religion, not something I’m usually prone to do as I have some pretty radical views on how I think all religions should act.  One of the things that had me a little confused last night, was in my talking with someone I was told that even though they were on the same side as someone else they were arguing about religion and if someone was a heathen or not.

My opinion was along the lines of this “If you’re on the same side, tell them to get stuffed. If you don’t agree with them than ask them to respect your opinion as you respect theirs.”

It makes me laugh at religion openly when they argue amongst themselves, the “believers” who have the same book and yet they argue with each other the meaning of words that weren’t written by any deity, but by a human doing “gods” work. 

I had a revelation last night while I was trying to keep myself up as long as possible, all the “books” that are supposed to provide us with moral guidance have all been written by man.  Of course there are new interpretations of these words, people are even going back to the what constitutes the original writings, but I still see the problem that these words were not written by a god, they were written by man.  And the one thing living has taught me is that man has an agenda, one that would arguably go against the teachings of a god who is supposed to be as wise as they are compassionate.

I suppose I should clarify my views before I’m labeled as an atheist or as I was called last night a “heathen” (I’m pretty sure it was only in jest so I’m not that fussed about it), I believe in something, what I believe in is for me to have and I will not force anyone else to believe as I do.  It’s my right as a human to have my own beliefs, and to have them be my moral compass.  Some people may call that being an atheist or a heathen and it’s their right as a human to hold that belief.

I’ve been to areas on this planet that have no place of worship and yet I feel something good, I’ve been to houses of worship and have felt nothing but evil there.  I’m not convinced there is a god or gods that I should or shouldn’t be worshiping, what I am convinced of though is we as humans need to be compassionate to each other and should always remember that as we move further down the path of a global community.  With respect and compassion towards each other we can truly become a global population that can do amazing things.

Politics – Why?

So I’m normally a person who votes their mind not a party. This year I was looking over my ballot and I discovered I was voting along a specific party line and not necessarily my mind. I had to take a step back and do some research on why I was voting along a specific party line. After taking the time to do some more reading on the issues I got my head back into the game. I voted the remaining ballot based on my conscience.

I’ve grown up in a very liberal house, one could call it extreme left wing, but I think it was not that bad.  As I got older and was able to start thinking critically about the issues myself I was finding myself a moderate compared to my parents.  Now as I’m a voting adult I’ve discovered neither of the popular parties really reflect my values and I seem to not be the only person.  I’ve been an independent, not picking sides.  I’m the voting equivalent of Switzerland.  Of course that targets me as one of the candidates most valuable votes, I’m the guy they have to work to convince and I’m not easy.

I sit here in Canada, staring at the news trying to get a pulse on what’s happening back home and the direction the country is going to go.  Will we be forced to hang our heads as ex-patriots or do I get to be proud to be an American?  It’s funny to say something like that given my track record of not really lying but not telling people where I’m from when asked.  Proud to be a citizen of my birth country, what an odd concept.  I don’t really think I’m going to hinge that pride on who is elected, more like on how we show the world we can actually have a fair election that isn’t swayed by the top 1%.  How each and every citizens voice can and will be heard and we will all make a difference today, and no matter how you vote you have a duty as a citizen to make your voice heard.

Politics or how I became a non-caring part of the population

I was at my local pub last night trying to avoid any and all talks of politics.  It went well for the first few hours, but for some reason a bar full of drunk fools decided to watch the repeat of the presidential debate last night.  Something I’ve learned is you never mix bars with politics.  It’s just a recipe for disaster  given you have alcohol and angry people in the same room with differing views.

Take this example, a couple of friends were in a bar harping on McCain and his choice of VP, they started in on his ability to lead and pointed at his time in as a POW as not how not to fight a war.  Now observe the man at the end of the bar, silently fuming, you can visibly see his anger and hatred for the two friends rising, and yet he doesn’t say anything.  The two friends continue on ragging on McCain and the man on the corner continues to get more and more pissed.  Finally the two friends have gone far enough and the man at the end of the bar shouts “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  He then tries to pay and the bartender, who in a wise move pays for the angry mans beer, and leave.  He doesn’t tell his story, he doesn’t explain to the others in the bar his point of view, all he does is get angry.

When you hear that story all you can think of is why did he get so pissed?  Was he a POW?  Was he a solider at some point in his life?  Why is he so angry?  These are all questions that could be asked, but he’s gone now.  The lesson is you never know who you’re drinking with and you should keep you politics to yourself.
Now you have to ask yourself why do a bunch of middle of the road people sit in a bar and shout at each other about who they’re going to vote for.  The reality is I don’t really care about it.  I know who I’ll vote for, I’m not going to force that view on anyone else.  Why should they care who I vote for?  Why should I care who they vote for?  We’re all people and are all entitled to our opinions, just like the angry man, if he had just stopped to tell his story instead of just getting pissed don’t you think he could have avoided being pissed off at a couple of people who don’t have to agree with his point of view, but could be swayed with conversation instead of anger?

As far as the presidential debate, basically it looks like McCain had a few mini strokes while speaking and frankly that scares the crap out of me that his choice of VP, one of the dumbest humans on the planet, could be one heart attack away from leading the country even further down the shitter.  At least Obama doesn’t appear to be entrenched in the “system” as much as McCain.  Maybe that simple fact means he would be the better option.

The only debate on Intelligent Design that is worthy of its subject

Moderator: We’re here today to debate the hot new topic, evolution versus Intelligent Des—

(Scientist pulls out baseball bat.)

Moderator: Hey, what are you doing?

(Scientist breaks Intelligent Design advocate’s kneecap.)

Intelligent Design advocate: YEAAARRRRGGGHHHH! YOU BROKE MY KNEECAP!

Scientist: Perhaps it only appears that I broke your kneecap. Certainly, all the evidence points to the hypothesis I broke your kneecap. For example, your kneecap is broken; it appears to be a fresh wound; and I am holding a baseball bat, which is spattered with your blood. However, a mere preponderance of evidence doesn’t mean anything. Perhaps your kneecap was designed that way. Certainly, there are some features of the current situation that are inexplicable according to the "naturalistic" explanation you have just advanced, such as the exact contours of the excruciating pain that you are experiencing right now.

Intelligent Design advocate: AAAAH! THE PAIN!

Scientist: Frankly, I personally find it completely implausible that the random actions of a scientist such as myself could cause pain of this particular kind. I have no precise explanation for why I find this hypothesis implausible — it just is. Your knee must have been designed that way!

Intelligent Design advocate: YOU BASTARD! YOU KNOW YOU DID IT!

Scientist: I surely do not. How can we know anything for certain? Frankly, I think we should expose people to all points of view. Furthermore, you should really re-examine whether your hypothesis is scientific at all: the breaking of your kneecap happened in the past, so we can’t rewind and run it over again, like a laboratory experiment. Even if we could, it wouldn’t prove that I broke your kneecap the previous time. Plus, let’s not even get into the fact that the entire universe might have just popped into existence right before I said this sentence, with all the evidence of my alleged kneecap-breaking already pre-formed.

Intelligent Design advocate: That’s a load of bullshit sophistry! Get me a doctor and a lawyer, not necessarily in that order, and we’ll see how that plays in court!

Scientist (turning to audience): And so we see, ladies and gentlemen, when push comes to shove, advocates of Intelligent Design do not actually believe any of the arguments that they profess to believe. When it comes to matters that hit home, they prefer evidence, the scientific method, testable hypotheses, and naturalistic explanations. In fact, they strongly privilege naturalistic explanations over supernatural hocus-pocus or metaphysical wankery. It is only within the reality-distortion field of their ideological crusade that they give credence to the flimsy, ridiculous arguments which we so commonly see on display. I must confess, it kind of felt good, for once, to be the one spouting free-form bullshit; it’s so terribly easy and relaxing, compared to marshaling rigorous arguments backed up by empirical evidence. But I fear that if I were to continue, then it would be habit-forming, and bad for my soul. Therefore, I bid you adieu.

source: http://abstractfactory.blogspot.com/

Thanks Drink Planner for this list!

Guys, I hate to say it…but a lot of you are letting me down. More importantly, you’re letting yourselves and your gender down. Every time I go out to a bar and I see a guy with a purple or pink shot in their hand, a small part of Burt Reynolds’s mustache dies. When I venture out to a restaurant and I see a man with a martini that is any other color than clear, I am forced to say a small weeping prayer for the future of mankind. Now I don’t mean to turn this into a post strictly directed at guys, because ladies…this is of the utmost importance to you too. What a person drinks says quite a bit about who they are, and if the man at your side prefers drinks with umbrellas over ones with whiskey, well…you’ve got some serious decisions to make. So without further ado, I present:

1. Thou Shalt Learn to Enjoy Whisk(e)y – Bourbon, Scotch, Irish, Tennessee whiskey and every other form of the drink shall heretofore be your best buddy. You can start by mixing with soda at first to ween yourself into it if you need to (Jim Beam and Coke is a perfectly acceptable manly drink), but at some point you’re going to have to learn to drink the stuff on its own. It’s a complex, mysterious and brooding spirit, which are not coincidentally three things you as a man should also strive to be. This commandment is the most important, and the hardest to get through, which is why it’s first. If you can master the ways of Daniels, Walker, Dickel, Jameson and Glenlivet…the rest of this should be cake.

If she can do it, so can you, you big lady

2. There is No Such Thing as a “Chocolate Martini” – This has been said elsewhere many a time before, but it bears repeating. The only things that should be in a martini are gin (or a quality vodka), vermouth, and garnish like an olive or onion. Anything else, and you’ve made a grave mistake punishable by a lifetime of Grey’s Anatomy reruns.

3. Thou Shalt Not Drink a Frozen Drink – The ONLY exception to this is if you’re at the beach or on a cruise. Otherwise, stick to hunks of ice or chilled mugs to cool your drink. Alcohol is not meant to be drunk in smoothie form.

4. Thou Shalt Not Consume Drinks With Idiotic Gimmicky Names Meant to Cover Up How Girly They Are – So help me God, if I see any of you jackasses out there with a Sex on the Beach or a Screw Me Blue in your hands, I’ll slap it to the ground and eat your worthless soul so fast you’ll truly come to appreciate the phrase “life flashed before my eyes” like never before. You’re not fooling anyone. Just because peach schnapps has some alcohol in it does not qualify it as an alcoholic beverage. It has its place in the great wide world of booze, but mixed up with 18 other fruit-flavored alcohols and garnished with a paper umbrella and stupid name ain’t it.

5. Thou Shalt Learn to Appreciate All Forms of Beer – If Natty Light, Keystone and Coors are your idea of what beer is and is meant to be, you’re living your drinking-life like that of a child in sub-Saharan Africa. Bring that inner impoverished child into the “civilized” world and open your dry crusty wind-chapped eyes to the world of ambers, stouts, saisons, hefeweissens and the multitude of heavenly hops-angels just waiting to surround you and give you a glimpse of the Promised Land. While you’re still getting over your silly stigma that Guinness is a “heavy” beer and cringing at the thought of a slice of lemon in your Hoegaarden, the rest of us will be happily melting our brains away into oblivion. With the superhot hops-angels, of course.

Get used to it, Jack

6. No Worthwhile Woman Will Ever Be Impressed With How Much You Can Drink – Being able to funnel six beers at once or taking down an entire fifth of rum in one night may impress the shit out of your buddies, but no quality woman on earth will give a damn about how much you can drink. For that matter it’s really not worth even trying, as trying and failing will produce far more disgusting consequences than you ever bargained on. Let it be known: while some refer to alcohol as “Liquid Panty Remover”, puke is far better known as “Liquid Loneliness”.

7. It’s More Than Okay to Drink Wine – Knowing the name of a few good Cabernets and Pinot Noirs is a highly valuable thing. Inevitably in your life you’ll need to go to expensive restaurants for anniversaries, birthdays, and pet funerals… and knowing what’s good vs. what tastes like grape-flavored vinegar not only makes you look smart and sophisticated, but saves you from drinking grapes that taste like they were fermented in horseshit. Become familiar with the ins-and-outs of a few wines, and the impression you’ll make will be well worth it. Being labeled as “cultured” is never a bad thing…being labeled as “ignorant” always is.

8. It’s Worth it to Learn the Rules and Traditions of the Drinking World Before You Go Out Into the Wild (and Make an Ass Out of Yourself)Pro Tip: When drinking one of the aforementioned obligatory wines at one of the aforementioned stuffy and overpriced restaurants, do not sniff the cork. Check it for mold or odd discoloration, and then put it down…but do not sniff it like a damned country bumpkin. Pro Tip 2: Do not make a big show of popping the cork off a bottle of champagne. Hold a cloth or towel over the cork and catch it before it shoots into the ceiling. It’s the grown-up thing to do. There are a thousand small rules like these (or maybe “customs” is a better word?) surrounding the booze-life that knowing can be the difference between you looking like a showboating know-nothing jackass, or a refined gentleman of great taste and culture. The two mentioned here are a start, but take the time to learn what separates grown men from the forever-frat-boys and you’ll be more than a few steps ahead.

Welcome to Assholeville, population: YOU

9. The Way You Treat Bartenders and Waitstaff Says More About You Than You Know – I don’t mean to get all Jesus-y on you guys, but as the Good Book says, “That which you have done unto the least of these, you have done unto me.” And I can tell you, that’s exactly how a woman or prospective business associate will see it. Snapping, clapping, yelling, whistling or just general rudeness to someone waiting on you are a sure sign to anyone in your company that if they spend enough time around you, you’ll eventually treat them with the same selfish nonchalance and disdain that you treat those who are paid to be nice to you. And for crying out loud, TIP WELL. You have no idea how far this can take you.

10. Any Free Drink is a Good Drink – I know, this seemingly negates some of the previous rules, but hear me out. Not even mentioning the many economical reasons that you should never ever in your life turn down a free drink when offered to you (which essentially boil down to: YOU’RE NOT BUYING IT AND IT’S NOT POISON, SO WHO CARES!?!), it’s just plain RUDE to turn down a shot or drink purchased by someone else for you (unless it is, in fact, poison). They’ve not only put down their hard-earned dollar to buy you a taste of the good life, but they’ve also taken the social gamble of saying “Hey, this is a person who deserves a drink for saving babies/stopping (evil) moving trains/kicking my ass in Guitar Hero, and by golly…I’m going to buy them a beverage in public to show the world how noteworthy their accomplishment is!” That’s quite simply a proposition you can’t say no to. If you do, you’re a dick.

Much like the Bible, there are many more minor rules to the world of drinking, but these are the Big 10, the ones that in a general sense should guide you throughout your journey through this magical world of booze and keep you from temptation and harm. It’s a cold and frightening world out there, but by following these simple rules you definitely have a better chance of emerging unscathed.

This is a quoted post from the Drink Planner Blog.

Rules to live by

These are not my rules, well I didn’t write them, but I do enjoy some of them!

The 86 Rules of Boozing

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He’ll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don’t have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you’re doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout ‘woo-hoo!’ if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn’t play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You’ll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it’s hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar’s sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you’re off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It’s okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman’s name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams ‘nancy boy’ louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don’t drink from straws. Unless you’re doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don’t plan to finish it, don’t accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you’re leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don’t know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you’re ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you’re going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “what’s good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you’re really drunk, the mothers.

71. It’s acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you’re hammered and they’re sober. It’s akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you’re wrong and either way you’re going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

–Frank Kelly Rich

So very tired

I’ve not been able to sleep for the last few nights, my brain has gone into overdrive and I can’t seem to stop it.  I don’t think it has to do with the time of year, although it could very well have something to do with a life changing event that happened just a short month from now.  Last year I was in the mid east and I didn’t have this same anxiety, of course I was so exhausted from working long hours that it didn’t matter how much my brain wanted to keep me up, my body knew what was best.  This year is completely different it seems, my anxiety level is high my sleep is low and I can’t seem to meditate my thoughts away to deal with them at a normal hour, hence why I’m up at 5:00 writing a blog entry that I can’t even post till I find some internet access.

Why am I anxious?  A couple of standout reasons are I’m leaving a job very soon, I am trying to line up other work but it’s proving difficult this time of year.  The second shouldn’t really have anything to do with my being anxious but it does, I like this person and I don’t really know what to say to her.  (I know what you’ll say to this JB so you can save your comment till I see you in person :-).)  I am anxious about this liking someone as I’ve not really “liked” someone since my ex-wife, not only that but I’ve not asked someone out on a date since 1997, so I’m a little out of practice and that’s freaking me out just by itself!

I don’t know if I’m just looking for advice or if I just needed to write this down so I could stop thinking about it at 3:00 AM.  I’m hoping that the act of writing it down will help me sleep a little more tonight / this morning, but there’s no guarantees in this world when it comes to me and my sleep.