Politics or how I became a non-caring part of the population

I was at my local pub last night trying to avoid any and all talks of politics.  It went well for the first few hours, but for some reason a bar full of drunk fools decided to watch the repeat of the presidential debate last night.  Something I’ve learned is you never mix bars with politics.  It’s just a recipe for disaster  given you have alcohol and angry people in the same room with differing views.

Take this example, a couple of friends were in a bar harping on McCain and his choice of VP, they started in on his ability to lead and pointed at his time in as a POW as not how not to fight a war.  Now observe the man at the end of the bar, silently fuming, you can visibly see his anger and hatred for the two friends rising, and yet he doesn’t say anything.  The two friends continue on ragging on McCain and the man on the corner continues to get more and more pissed.  Finally the two friends have gone far enough and the man at the end of the bar shouts “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  He then tries to pay and the bartender, who in a wise move pays for the angry mans beer, and leave.  He doesn’t tell his story, he doesn’t explain to the others in the bar his point of view, all he does is get angry.

When you hear that story all you can think of is why did he get so pissed?  Was he a POW?  Was he a solider at some point in his life?  Why is he so angry?  These are all questions that could be asked, but he’s gone now.  The lesson is you never know who you’re drinking with and you should keep you politics to yourself.
Now you have to ask yourself why do a bunch of middle of the road people sit in a bar and shout at each other about who they’re going to vote for.  The reality is I don’t really care about it.  I know who I’ll vote for, I’m not going to force that view on anyone else.  Why should they care who I vote for?  Why should I care who they vote for?  We’re all people and are all entitled to our opinions, just like the angry man, if he had just stopped to tell his story instead of just getting pissed don’t you think he could have avoided being pissed off at a couple of people who don’t have to agree with his point of view, but could be swayed with conversation instead of anger?

As far as the presidential debate, basically it looks like McCain had a few mini strokes while speaking and frankly that scares the crap out of me that his choice of VP, one of the dumbest humans on the planet, could be one heart attack away from leading the country even further down the shitter.  At least Obama doesn’t appear to be entrenched in the “system” as much as McCain.  Maybe that simple fact means he would be the better option.

Twenty-five Signs You Have Grown Up

I’m in a list phase… Deal with it…

By: Salma Rumman

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “breakup.”

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog “Science Diet” instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?”

Bonus:26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.

The man code

Not my words, but something funny for y’all to read…

1. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her.

2. When questioned by a friend’s girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

4. A best man’s toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

8. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own – grill, car, firstborn child – within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

10. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he’s trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

11. Do not torpedo single friends.

12. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

13. Before dating a buddy’s ex you are required to ask his permission. If he grants it, he is however allowed to say, "man, your gonna love the way she licks your balls"

14. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

15. If a mans zipper is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything!

16. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional)

17. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

18. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies girlfriends with in 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal’s boyfriends- low level sports bonding is all the law requires.

19. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

21. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

22. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.

23. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked. This includes men who aren’t wearing shirts. If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: if during the past 24 hours your friends actions have caused you to think "what this guy needs is a good ass wuppin", in which case you may refrain from getting involved and stand back and enjoy.

24. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Case closed.

25. Fives must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your seat is up for grabs. However, "house rules" may come into effect, in which case it is left up to the owner of the seat.

26. Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies., as long as you are in eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.

27. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

28. If you ever compliment a guy’s six pack, you better be talking about his choice of beverage.

29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

"Yeah, baby, push it!"

"Come on, give me one more, harder!"

"Another set and we can hit the showers"

"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

31. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.

32. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line for all other situations an "I recognize you" nod will do just fine.

33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.

34. You can not rat out a friend who show’s up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

35. If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crime of passion laws be your guide.

36. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manor that gives you no chances of getting any either.

37. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "fuck off" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

38. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

39. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.

40. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year

41. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line has formed to use the pisser)

42. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.

43. The only time dicking over a buddy for a girl is legal, is when the girl ranks a 8 or above on the 1-10 scale. (exception: a girl may rank from 5-7, as long as there is oral sex involved).

44. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the man be.

45. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:

Figure skating

Men’s gymnastics

Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)

46. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

47. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.

48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

49. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing, and if a man shall happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if its with a girlfriend.

50. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:

when a heroic dog dies to save his master.

after being struck in the testicles with anything moving fast than 7 mph.

When your date is using her teeth.

The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

51. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.

52. Masturbate often. (exception: if your roommate is due back within the hour)

53. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

54. A man’s shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.

55. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In fact, there is no need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.

56. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)

57. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.

58. There are is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in. (Exception: when you are participating in a organized sporting event)

59. Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear whitey tighty’s. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes.

60. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

61. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has had in a night.

62. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which can be perceived as a mattress.

63. In an empty room, car, ect., a man can not ask another man if he is mad because he isn’t talking.

64. If you jiggle more than twice, your playing with it.

65. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.

66. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.

67. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don’t try to be funny by saying "OK" and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual references in a row are just plain scary…

68. If you say ouch, you are a pussy!

69. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)

* with every set of laws, there are appropriate punishments. If any man shall happen to break any one of these codes, he will be found guilty, and will, for 24 hours from the time of the violation, be considered NOT A MAN. During this time he will not be referred to in any masculine way, and he shall bear the name Princess.

Politics or Religion? Should we care?

I’ve never been accused of being overtly political or overtly religious, but I just saw an article on CNN.com that made me laugh out loud.

Dude The headline reads “Evangelist accuses Obama of ‘distorting’ Bible“, I assumed it mean some sort of Christian whack job that usually stands up when they should sit down and shut the fuck up, and I guess I wasn’t disappointed.

 James Dobson is that whack job and the best quote I found in the article was this ‘James Dobson says Barack Obama is distorting biblical teachings to fit "his own confused theology."’.  imageSo it seems it would be an opportune moment to chant, Hey pot the kettle is calling and guess what? 

When has a evangelist ever not distorted the bible to their own ends?  I don’t think I’ve heard of one.  Basically with his popularity flagging this wonderful example of humanity has decided to go on the attack.  Like there’s something to attack besides his own distorted views on the bible, religion or politics.

Paper no more?

In a not so surprising move the publisher of Northwest Baby and Child has decided to suspend publication of the paper.  It’s been publishing monthly for 27 years.  The publisher has really let the community down by mis-managing the publication, and frankly I’m disappointed they didn’t realize the proper thing to do months if not years ago and that is bring on a partner or sell the publication to another publisher.

Some might ask why the hell do I care?  Well I’ve been working for the paper since 1998 and have been the subject of articles by the editor for roughly my entire life.  I’ve only been working on the project for 10 years in various capacities, and the irony of just completing the transition from an old design and old content management system to a new design and system just last week, the suspension of the print publication is a bit of a blow.

Now let me set something completely straight, in the last few months if not the last year I’ve been distancing myself from the publication in an attempt to no longer be responsible for the site / admin work that I’ve been doing for a long while now.  But I was drawn back into it a few weeks ago when the new “design” went online with no management system for content or advertising.  This was a big no no in my books as it meant someone would have to hand code every article that’s placed on the site.  Which in this current age of blogs, open source and all the free tools out there that help manage content, I thought it was near impossible to not come up with something that could work.  Hell, even MS offers a free offline blog editor, which I happen to be using at this very moment.  That and the combination of WordPress, it would seem like a pretty easy transition from the old not so user friendly CMS we had in place to something far more sexy like WordPress and just use Live Writer to manage the content updates.

So here I am still working to make the site / newspaper work online so that parents can have access to the information they, according to the stats, really enjoy reading and having at their fingertips.

Public Transit… How many ways can we fuck it up?

As a person who has traveled a fair bit I’m going to make mention of Melbourne Australia and it’s transit system, I even included a link.


It’s a combination of light rail and street car, accidents are few and far between and ridership is huge.  The system on a whole works Beware of Tramsmuch like a star network, with the larger pipelines being serviced by larger “light rail” and the city and suburb traffic being serviced by street level trams.

Before I got to Melbourne I heard nothing but complaints from natives, but the reality is they have a system that works and while yes it could be better, it still works.  Go figure we as the independent Seattleites we are, can’t seem to look to other cities across the world and take the better parts of those systems and implement them here.

Street trams are better then buses as they use less fuel (diesel is still expensive and unless all buses move to electric then you’re not going to experience cost savings with a bus system for much longer), and if buses do move to electric then what’s the problem with replacing them with street cars at that point, since the only step you have to take to make the transition is to add tracks to the road?

Beware of CarsWe could have a system that works, but we seem to be intent on making a system that doesn’t and there really seems to be no end in sight.

Fuck this place I’m moving to Melbourne where yes they complain about the transit system, but at least they have one that makes sense to me!

Sometimes I wish I could just fly away…

I don’t really know what to say.  I had a “talk” with my boss today about how I was standoffish when she first met me, and how some of the people and vendors we have to work with don’t appreciate it.  Something about how I seemed to look down on how they do things and how others do things I think is wrong.  Well I’m the first to admit when I don’t know something about the work I do, it’s just not very often.  There is no ego in that statement, it’s just the truth.  I’ve done it so many different ways and seen it done poorly and done right that you can begin to get a feel for how things should be done.  I’m not say they’ve doing it wrong and as soon as I step in they need to do it my way, I’m just saying I see where we can improve our systems and make it run smoother and Graffiti Play-1better in the long run for everyone.  I get a little tired of hearing someone say “we’ve always done it this way” when I see something that could and should be improved and hasn’t ever been looked at as something to improve.

It always amazes me when a fresh set of eyes sees something I’ve been staring at for years and goes, did you know you can do it this way and suddenly the problem I was always complaining about suddenly goes away?  It’s a humbling experience to have someone, doesn’t matter what there age, say “you can do it this way and your life will be easier.”  and when it is, well sometimes the word fuck comes out of my mouth, but I go ahead and add it to my toolkit for next time and I make sure to thank the fresh set of eyes for helping me out.

So why can’t some people accept that?  I don’t know.  It took me a long time to get to the point where I could accept criticism without going apeshit.  I guess I’m growing up, or I’ve just stopped caring so much what other people think.  I know I’m good at what I do and if others are unable or don’t see that then it’s there problem not mine.


Hairless Ape

PA311926I decided to shave on Tuesday night, one I’ve had the same facial hair for the last couple of years and I think I just got tired of hearing everyone ask what I would look like without it.  So off it came!  I kept the patch, but the mo went for the first time since 2006, before that I had some sort of facial hair for as long as I’ve been able to grow facial hair.  For your consideration here is the three stages of facial hair…

Stage one, me with the safety vest and the goatee, easy to manage as scruffy as can be.  I had that ever since XL said I should grow out the goat, needless to say when I was reminded about that I was happy to make the change to stage two.

P1102142Stage two, picture of a friend and I in Doha at Garvies the last week I was in Qatar before heading to Thailand and Australia.  I actually liked this version, it was different for me and it wasn’t that hard to maintain.  Granted there were times when the two little tufts turned different colors for some reason.  The tufts only lasted until I got back to Seattle, since I was looking for work I decided it would be good form to loose the scruff and go with just the mo.

Hairless Monkey (1 of 3)Stage three, happened on Tuesday of this week, it was a combination  of polling friends and just plain tiredness of the same and hearing about it from others that I could just shave it off and if I didn’t like it I could just grow it back.

In an effort to be a democracy rather then a dictatorship when it comes to my facial hair I’ve decided to ask for help and opinions from a larger group then the locals.  So if you have an opinion as to which version of facial hair I should have then please stand up and be heard.  I’ll keep voting open for the foreseeable future and will also take suggestions on changes to the above stages.