Iâ€™m in a list phaseâ€¦ Deal with itâ€¦
By: Salma Rumman
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you canâ€™t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of â€œhook upâ€ and â€œbreakup.â€
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as â€œdressed up.â€
10. Youâ€™re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door wonâ€™t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You donâ€™t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog â€œScience Dietâ€ instead of McDonaldâ€™s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer â€œpretty good shit.â€
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. â€œI just canâ€™t drink the way I used toâ€ replaces â€œIâ€™m never going to drink that much again.â€
23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking â€œOh shit what the hell happened?â€
Bonus:26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesnâ€™t apply to you and canâ€™t find one to save your sorry old ass.