I can’t say what I want to say to T and it’s my own damn fault… I want to tell her I like her, but we’re neighbors and I don’t know if I can break the neighbors barrier or the friend barrier. I know I shouldn’t second guess myself with this kind of shit… When emotions are not in check I get hurt, I’ve been hurt quite a bit and I don’t really know if I’m ready for anything, or am I just trying to justify my neurosis to myself by saying I’m not ready when just don’t want to get hurt again. I think I’m content being discontent with my shit neurosis and my second guessing myself.

And here I go second guessing myself again by calling myself crap and all that shit. what if I just said I liked her? What’s the worse she can say? No? I’ve had enough no’s, I’ve been turned down enough to sense it’s not the best for me to keep getting turned down.

Aw fuck!!!!!

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