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The outlook is blank?

horoscope

I went to look up my horoscope for my birthday and this is what came up.  I’ve not altered aside from cropping it to fit into the blog.  I think it’s freaking hilarious that it comes up blank.

How do I take this?  I can look at it as the stars don’t know what’s going to happen to me.  Of course I should take this view seriously and freak the fuck out that my horoscope is blank therefore the future is unknown!  Oh no what shall I do!

Or I can look at is as a database failure and alert technical support.  Which I’m more inclined to do given my history and my lack of caring with the whole mumbo jumbo that is astrology. 

So it’s my birthday today.  I’m actually looking forward to it in a way.  I’m a year older, I’m a year wiser… Well maybe not wiser, but I’ve amassed another years of knowledge.  Who knows maybe something I’ve learned this year can be applied to the future.

notes on guys

1.    Not all of us like sports. We just pretend to to seem more manly.
2.    We secretly memorize everything you wear.
3.    Don’t tell us to tell you if you look bad. Just… stop. We won’t. Ever. Under no circumstances.
4.    Likewise, we’ll never tell you when you’re wrong. Couches aren’t comfortable, for this is our destination when we tell you you’re wrong, especially that happy little time that comes about once a month.
5.    Not all guys are afraid of commitment.
6.    Likewise, not all guys want to take advantage of you so please, for the love of god, get over your “I hate men” bitching.
7.    There are things we don’t want you to do. We’ll never tell you.
8.    We really do think you’re cute when you’re tired.
9.    But you’re never cute when you’re mad at us. Never.
10.    Honestly, we really do think all girls are uglier than you. It’s how our brains work. So quit asking.
11.    Don’t ever come over and not want to cuddle or kiss.
12.    We secretly wish that you’d pick us over your friends, and when you don’t we’re secretly bummed.
13.    Muscle-y women are gross, disgusting, and all together vile. No cushion for the pushin’? Get out!
14.    Sometimes the only things that motivate us to even try at all in school are our wonderful girlfriends.
15.    We hate when you go on vacation without us and leave us all alone!
16.    Really, we hate when you do anything without us. (but we’ll never tell!)
17.    We hate the roads conversations take when you girls utter the words “I’m fine, I guess.”
18.    Oh, and we hate it when we can’t cheer you up. Throw us a bone, for goodness sake!
19.    We say you don’t need to dress up for us or wear makeup for us… but we sure would like you too!
20.    Never roll your eyes at us.
21.    We’re not kidding when we say we’ll trash any guy that looks at you.
a.    *And if any guy puts his arm around you that’s not my clone or me in a mirror, his head will emblazon the pike in my front yard.
22.    Whisper in our ear!
23.    Come behind US and hug us. It doesn’t always have to be us that does that to you!
24.    Tell us when we smell, please. We can’t tell and our guy friends don’t realize it.
25.    However, we’ll never tell you if you smell. See above.
a.    *But please don’t smell, we have this concept in our mind that girls are supposed to smell like flowers and sunshine.  Don’t shatter our concepts!
26.    When your boyfriend is a nerd, the least you can do is pretend to listen to him when he attempts to tell a funny story about his guild in World of Warcraft, or attempts to explain the physics of a tachyon.
27.    Oh, and nerds really are better lovers.

Quoted words from the late George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much , and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit “delete”…

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember, to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

by George Carlin

Idiots and Flat Mates

I got this really excellent text from my flat mate this morning… “Did you eat all the tomatoes?” In which I responded “Yes”, her response, which in all fairness makes me really pissed is “Ok, I don’t mind if you use ingredients but please ask/replace them as they were four the soup I was making.”

Let’s review, she uses my internet and doesn’t pay for it. 
Uses my electricity and doesn’t pay for it. 
Eats the food I bring into the house and doesn’t pay for or replace it. 
Has flooded my apartment on more than one occasion and wants to split the damage bill with me. 
She doesn’t even pay a full half of the rent and takes up more space than I do by a considerable amount. 

I’m getting more and more frustrated with the tart and am close to changing the locks.  I don’t even want to go home and it’s MY FUCKING HOUSE!

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The last few weeks…

j_boarding Working, playing and having fun…  Work has been fun, out in the middle of nowhere working at W.O.P. with a few other fun individuals.  The first week was working hard to get everything deployed as fast as possible so we might take advantage of Whistler.  Myself and one of the other crew did the best we could and ended up getting a day off and what do you know, we just had to buy a lift ticket and go for a bit of a ride.  Since I’ve taken up boarding in December, and yes I used to make fun of snowboarders, I’ve discovered why people like the snow and snow sports. 

It the last week I’ve really come to appreciate the beauty and the euphoria of snowboarding.  It’s extremely hard to describe the feeling of euphoria of making all your turns and just enjoying the ride down the mountain.  Could it be the wind, the clear air, or the speed, I don’t know.  What I do know is the sport has me hooked and I can’t see myself not snowboarding every winter from here on out.

I was out on the mountain yesterday, yes I had the day off, and I was able to do some boarding on both peaks.  The firs few runs on Blackcomb were excellent, and then the after lunch runs on Whistler were just as good.