So very tired

I’ve not been able to sleep for the last few nights, my brain has gone into overdrive and I can’t seem to stop it.  I don’t think it has to do with the time of year, although it could very well have something to do with a life changing event that happened just a short month from now.  Last year I was in the mid east and I didn’t have this same anxiety, of course I was so exhausted from working long hours that it didn’t matter how much my brain wanted to keep me up, my body knew what was best.  This year is completely different it seems, my anxiety level is high my sleep is low and I can’t seem to meditate my thoughts away to deal with them at a normal hour, hence why I’m up at 5:00 writing a blog entry that I can’t even post till I find some internet access.

Why am I anxious?  A couple of standout reasons are I’m leaving a job very soon, I am trying to line up other work but it’s proving difficult this time of year.  The second shouldn’t really have anything to do with my being anxious but it does, I like this person and I don’t really know what to say to her.  (I know what you’ll say to this JB so you can save your comment till I see you in person :-).)  I am anxious about this liking someone as I’ve not really “liked” someone since my ex-wife, not only that but I’ve not asked someone out on a date since 1997, so I’m a little out of practice and that’s freaking me out just by itself!

I don’t know if I’m just looking for advice or if I just needed to write this down so I could stop thinking about it at 3:00 AM.  I’m hoping that the act of writing it down will help me sleep a little more tonight / this morning, but there’s no guarantees in this world when it comes to me and my sleep.

Job no more…?

I finished my letter of resignation for the company I’m currently working with. It might be a little on the harsh side, but I feel it’s necessary to explain to them exactly why I cannot be employed by then any longer. I thought I could stick it out till summer, but it’s just not meant to be. So as of now I’m looking for work, and I’ll just see how it all pans out!

Cash Back

I just finished watching a movie called Cash Back, and I was moved to write something about it as soon as it ended.

The movie premise seemed simple enough to me when I put it in on the list for Netflix, an art student has insomnia and takes a job during the night shift at the local market.  What the description didn’t say was why the insomnia came about, and what he did to make the time useful.  AS an artist he creates still life images from the people as he freezes time and sketches them. 

I’ve always loved the concept of freezing time, perhaps that’s why I love photography as much as I do. I can freeze time in a single image, that snap of a shutter symbolizes to me the stopping of time.  It’s something I’ve had a hard time expressing, but this movie does that for me.  I’m almost disappointed I couldn’t come up with a description on my own, without a movie to help, but I’m glad the movie was there to assist.

You might hate it, but I loved it, if you get the chance watch Cash Back and let me know what you think.

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And the luck holds

So after my episode yesterday I didn’t think my luck could get worse, well I was wrong! Today instead of eating at the casino buffet yet again we decided to drive to a little Mexican place just outside of town, the food turned out to be excellent as far as Mexican food goes. What didn’t turn out to be excellent was our little adventure back towards the salt flats. We hit a large rock and punctured the oil pan in our little rental car, it immediately sensed danger and shut the engine off, only about 2 miles from the highway and gas station. Now there really isn’t anything in this neck of the woods expect a whole lot of salt, and a gas station 2 miles away on flat road. So being the tech minded fools we are we decided to push the car to the gas station where we would wait for a tow. As we’re pushing the car into the gas station, and mind you we’re freaking tired at this point, well you try to push a mid sized car for two miles and see how you feel, just as we’re pushing the car into the lot I notice the gas station has a tow truck sitting in front… Lucky for us we pushed the car there…

Now to top this all off the nearest rental car company is 110 miles to the East in Salt Lake City, so while we’re waiting for the truck driver to come pick us up so we can make the trek in to Salt Lake to pick up our new rental car. I think we’re planning on getting a SUV this time in hopes the rocks won’t be big enough to hurt the rental…

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Retarded Monkey…

I am a retarded monkey. Not only did I manage to give myself a mild concussion, but I also cut my head pretty good. How you might ask did I accomplish this astonishing feat of stupidity? I bent down to pick up something from the sidewalk near and hit my head on an electrical box that was sticking out from the side of the building. And yes I had been working in that same box earlier today so it’s not like I didn’t know the thing was there… Did that stop me though, hell no!

Hopefully the brain damage will be less then a night of heavy drinking, but I seriously doubt it. My head hurts I’m going to lie down and rest for a bit…

Hell hath a name and it is Wendover…

Yes, I firmly believe I am in some level of hell here in Utah / Nevada, yes there’s slash in there because half the town is in Utah and the other Nevada, and yes there is a big difference between them. Utah side is ghetto and Nevada side is all shiny and casino like.

Now I’m not going to say I’m some sort of guy who has to go out every night, but on the weekend I do like to head to my local watering hole and toss a few back with friends. In Wendover there is no local watering hole outside of the casinos, and the people here are… well scary. I was getting hit on by some 55+ year old lady last night, while this may say wonders about my looks, it was kind of creepy in that gnaw your own arm off to get out of the situation creepy. Needless to say I don’t look forward to going out again tonight, but we’re supposed to do something with the client this evening and I can’t beg off.